Transitions– A word I wonder if I will ever get “over”
16 Mar 2012 2 Comments
” Transitions, re-entry, moving-on, finishing up service, being DONE..” These are all words that have been coming up on our compound A LOT lately. About 25 of a 60 person staff are leaving this year and I am sure those words were around last year too, but since they apply to me now I am much more aware of them. I am actually at a place that I don’t like hearing them. It may be because I don’t know when we will have J.O.B.S or where we will live exactly, but it does signify a big change coming up once again. It seems like most of my adult life has been about “transitions” from completing my graduate work, getting married and then having babies, and then the tough ones of losing my daddy and the change that has brought to our family, then adding another child to our family and trying to envision life without my little brother and then AFRICA…. I wonder if most of us were polled would be all say that we have all been in transition for our adult years? It is ok to not be in transition? I am trying to figure so much out these days and although I crave stability and predictability, is it all it is cracked up to be? Maybe, JUST maybe, God does not want us to be static?
In many ways I thought moving TO Ethiopia was the uncertain part and the hard part, but now am rethinking this and will let you know once I have it figured out ( that may not ever happen). When we moved here I knew where we would live, where our kids would be in school and how it would be paid for, our salary ( thankfully to our supporters) and how we would get around and many of the small things. I had much to learn like shopping, hanging clothes, bucket baths, flea and parasite control, and how to step out of western culture into a hurting population that I had no power to help. HOWEVER, here is the shocker, I am actually thinking this may be the hard part…. returning “HOME”. Home had been where we raised our children for the past 10 years, in the same house, same comforts, and I knew how “life worked”…however, we will be moving in with my sweet mom’s 2 bedroom house with her, looking for work, trying to buy the kids new western clothes so they are comfortable and even though 2 years does not sound like a long time –it is when you are entering your teen years. We have so much to learn and to actually be able to choose the brand of bread, sugar, and peanut butter I want may be a bit daunting. When I was in London for training we went to a sandwich shop and had to pick out from what felt like a hundred sandwiches in a hurry. If I had no been hungry I think I may have walked away from being completely overwhelmed– too many decisions. We have changed and I don’t want to return to life as I knew it, but that would bring my heart comfort, but it is not what will be happening. I think this is part of God’s plan really–
Over the next three months ( and then probably even more after we are stateside) I will be trying to write about my ” transition home” — If I sound muddled, it is probably because I am, so please bear with me and don’t caste Judgements as I try to open up about this time in my life. I think the one thing I am most fearful of is settling-in again and doing it deeply. I want to consider this next stage as the next step that God has us in to be used by HIM and to not give in to my desire for stability and predictability. Thank you for loving on us and caring. I hope you will challenge us to not really “settle-in” ever.
A day of celebration and putting the hard aside for a day-
12 Nov 2011 1 Comment
Freshly braided hair, bright shirts abound, and smiles you can feel…. Today was Children’s Heaven’s 7th year anniversary and what a day it was. There were many speeches, things to buy and dances to watch. I am still in awe of how healthy the girls are now and what a difference a meal a day can make. There is such JOY in this place and Hanna, the director, gives all glory to God and knows that despite the hardships these girls face He will give them the strength and help. Several girls spoke of how they came to Children’s Heaven and it would be impossible to keep a dry eye with these stories… a mother who has died and then being kicked out of school, a father remarrying and not wanting you any longer, being used only to work and not having enough to eat… It is hard to not become over burdened with what you hear, yet they have HOPE now. They sparkle, life is not easy, yet they know they can prepare for a different future because of this program. A mother, much younger than me, stood to tell how Hanna found her near death and brought food for her four children and her so she could be restored to health again. She has AIDS, but is trying to stay healthy so these girls will not be motherless too. She said without Children’s Heaven she would have died and it was not a hyperbole, but you can tell solid facts. Just when I thought my heart could not handle any more…..
Aser was asked to come into translate for mothers and daughters they had called who were on the waiting list. Currently we have 78 girls in this program, but there are OVER 250 waiting. Hanna wanted to get a picture of what life is like for those who are not in the program yet, but so desperately need it. It looked each one she called came. I was not prepared as I entered the room to meet a mother with a 15 year daughter and a 2 year old. She went on to say she has AIDS and the little one did too as you could see the bloating from meds or nutrition not being what it needed, but there is a certain look and you know. The daughter looked very healthy and strong… strong like she has lived many lives already. The mother was crying and I was so taken with her I took her in my arms and she hugged so tightly. She was very sweaty and yet dressed in her best you could tell. She has been trying for 4 years to get her into this program. We do not have sponsors to take more girls at this point. She is fearful if her daughter can’t finish high school she will have no future and I am sure there are many thoughts about why this girl needs this so badly. Hanna usually takes the girls in order for sponsors, but did say if we can get someone to sign up for this she would let her in. I am praying about this now! Then mother after mother came in and would admit they were positive, mostly in whispers because of shame and not wanting to tell their children. How can there be so many suffering, so many families where the fathers could not handle it and left, but not before infecting their wives????? There was a lady who brought in a little girl, who was very obviously positive and she said she found her on the street after her parents died about a year ago. She has been trying to raise her, but is positive herself and does not know what will happen to this girl. She is scared to get her tested as she thinks her parents died of this. There was no question she has it, but this also means she is not on life-prolonging drugs… oh my heart was aching wondering how hurt God must be feeling when He sees his babies suffering in torment? ( then I think I worry about if my coffee is too hot or cold, will we have pizza or lentils for dinner… and on and on in my shallowness) There was the man raising a family member’s daughter , who had lost both parents, and he himself can’t walk. He looked like a warrior though trying to get the help he needs for her. He says if help doesn’t come soon, it will be too late because he can’t care for her much longer. They would bow at me as they left, yet it is I who needed to go lower than they– They would not let me! I was the one wanting to cry for them, yet amazed how a mother who scavengers through the dump will feed her child tonight? How can this be God? What am I called to do? I can’t even begin to help one at this point, yet my heart says I have to. I have not been this broken in a long while. My tears are too raw and real to flow, they are a deep ache in my throat. I have to get this message out, yet there are millions with the same story. TOday I felt like I had met Malachi’s mom. Her story would have been much the same to these women I believe. If there had a been a hand willingly reaching in to love and give bread, could it have been different for him? Could his mommy have made it to raise him? These families want to be with their children. They are fighting hard to stay together, but it may too late if help doesn’t come soon. Please pray for us as we try to navigate these paths and that we would truly be the hands of feet of our maker.
I have a wonderful miracle story I will share tomorrow that happened today, but I am emotionally drained and need to rest this tired heart. Thank you for caring and praying-
Some catching up to do-
13 Oct 2011 3 Comments
We are happy to have two months under our belts here. It seems like so much happens and yet so much is the same too. I am often not sure if my random thoughts or occurrences should be documented and don’t really mean anything. Today I was struck and am still heart broke for a student in my class. One of the parents has been unJustly put into Jail and the parents are split up. It is over a land issue ( as is most often the case– I had a father of another student released a month ago after being there for 4 years) and they keep telling the family she will get out soon and then it never happens and the Judge keeps on postponing it all. Today I asked my class to write how have they changed since starting 5th grade. Most were nice answers like I am studying more or learning that I like writing… but hers was that she can never take things for granted in life again. She went on writing how they used to have good food to eat and now they never do and they used to have fun as their mom would take them places. She finished by saying God has reasons for all of this, right? I am struck by the her strength and how she completes all of her homework and can smile each day. I too, must learn to not take life for granted.
We are busy with school and the kids are all doing great. Nehemiah is the 10th grade class president, Lydia is the 9th grade VP and Anna is the Representative for her class. It is fun having them all in student government , but keeps them busy with planning school events. I am so happy to be leading a Bible study with my girls from last year who are now in 6th grade once a week. What a JOY it has been to be able to stay in their lives. We are also teaching SS at church to 2nd graders and liking it more than we had planned:) they are so precious and kids from many different African countries. It is fun!!!! We are having parent -teacher conferences today and tomorrow. It has been nice meeting parents, but it is also tiring as I am also trying to run to my kids and their conferences as well. It is so nice it is all on one campus:) A dad of a student today was sharing how he has been working with the Africa Union on spreading the knowledge that female mutilation is very harmful and not good for women. He finally had a meeting today and the Orthodox church has agreed to begin sharing this message as over 70% of women in Ethiopia ( his stats) are mutilated and this often interferes with child birth. This is actually very exciting as Eth.. is a very modest and closed country to such discussions. I am amazed by the work being done by the parents of my students here. I love LOVE LOVE having this chance to meet with people who are truly changing lives and generations.
My class this year is a sweet and lively bunch that have been requiring many boundaries:) Rebekah has amazed me and takes it so well as I have to be strict and not a lot of fun at times. ( I hope the fun is coming though) She hears kids talking about how much I make them work and how strict I am and then tells me she is happy it is this way. I think she is trying to make me smile, but I think it would be hard to have your mom as the teacher. Last year I could be fun right from the start and hopefully after Christmas I can begin to smile A LOT:) They are so sweet and I truly am falling in love with these kids, but their lives are so tough and so many of them come to school needing love and grace. Mondays are hard and it often feels like they have forgotten all we have learned about how to act at school, but by Wednesday I always think WOW we are making progress. They are keeping me on my toes and it is good for me really! I know we are all together for a reason and God is at work.
Aser’s friendship with DereJe has been growing and it so special to hear about and see. I was able to see his house and I was humbled. I am so thankful a family from our church has partnered with us to help him build onto his house and helped to pay for the concrete floor. The friendship is genuine and Aser loves this man and I think in someways that when we leave this will be the hardest goodbye.
Children’s Heaven continues to be on our hearts and we are thankful to be able to spend time there. We are getting ready for a November 12th celebration. We are hoping to raise money for a new rental as the landlord has raised the rent from 4000birr a month to 15,000 a month. there are no rent regulations here and they can do what they want. These girls continue to inspire us and we are grateful to be able to learn from them. They have such happiness in the midst of such struggle. It has been exciting to be more involved this year. LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!
Thank you for reading what we have been up and we value your prayers more than you can know. I have to lead staff devotions next week and would even like prayer about that. Our kids are leaving on those October trips all over Ethiopia. I am a nervous mama and trying my best to not think about what could happen. I want them to have fun and grow closer to God through these trips, but I need strength I do not have on my own to cope with this. 
Thank you for praying for their safety as the roads here are scary and unpredictable. Also they have been upping the level of threat against Americans in E Africa and around the world so staying close is always so much more comfortable:) ( I am hoping comfort is way OVERRATED!!!!)
Quick request :)
12 Sep 2011 2 Comments
I have to get my blog updated more frequently, but once we returned we are busy busy with school and so many things. It is all good and we are happy to be back, but it seems like the time is gone each day before I know it.
However, we have recently sent out a newsletter about our return and I will try to post it on here. Would you mind asking G..od on our behalf to help us in the area of our support. We are hoping and planning on staying here until June of this next year to complete our 2nd year here, but have to have our financial support increase a bit. This is the hardest part of being on the field is the fundraising because it is so uncomfortable. We have seen G. do amazing things as we were coming here originally, however, due to so many things happening with our health last year our money was used in ways we had not intended. We are very thankful to have had the money there when we needed it as I believe going to Kenya saved my life last year. This is not a blog asking you for help financially, but asking if you would pra–y with us on this. Thank you and I know we can trust Him for ALL things and He knows about this more than we even do:) I am not sure why I worry or grow concerned as we will be taken care of regardless. So often in life the way we have it planned out it not even the best way and we are shocked when He does something different than planned ( but better) …so holding on here:) ok no more posts on this!!!!
Outside of my compound walls
21 Aug 2011 2 Comments
Not needing to see the evening news to see a change in the city we left only two months ago. You can almost feel the change with the new groups of people coming into this city. Many different colors of scarves and clothing, men and women begging together, old and young in family groups begging let you know they are not from this city, but from eastern tribes and areas. One reason they are here is that during Ram.a.dan and fasting they are supposed to give and so people make their way to the city to be recipients of this goodwill. However, there were not so many last year– I would have remembered. Today there were people running to get in a line at a store for bread. People here do not generally run, but you could tell they were desperate. They stand around with no agenda or things to fill their time. In even one week’s time you can see more and more people here. I think I am seeing the evening news right outside of my wall. The famine is bringing more people here in hopes of something new and food. It is not here for them really. People here are not talking about this sad tragedy happening. They are not really being told or else the media that I saw was exploding it bigger than it was, but I saw too many photos to think some of this was not true. We have heard of people with money using it all to get to the city thinking they would find help and then they are left begging and sleeping on the streets. We now have larger groups surrounding us begging and yet I want to give them something money can’t buy–hope! Most of them are not of the same faith as I am. The kids are wanting to buy bread and then we will go and distribute in our neighborhood. I want to buy more than bread, I want relationship so I can share the real truth and hope I know. It is overwhelming really, but I have to take one day and person at a time. I do think we will begin with bread and hope to build relationships through this.
One of my most favorite things about being back has been going out into the marketplace and walking behind my man and seeing the shopkeepers so happy to see him. They embrace in genuine friendship and care for one another. I do not know that he knows them, but he has been taking taxis and shopping more than I since I am teaching most of the days. They truly care about him and relate to him in a way that is not possible for me. He speaks the language, he shares the same ethnicity and sex…. it would take me generations to even come close to the friendship depth he is able to acquire with locals. I must say I am so touched when I see him, but also wishing the same was true with me. I smile as I don’t speak the language and it would be so inappropriate for me to hug one of them, so I nod and smile again. I am thankful seeing how G is using my husband through his love and care for these neighbors of ours. They do not share the same faith and later he will see them running with their prayer mats to the nearest mos..que, but they are friends and we hope this year this will only deepen so he can share the hope we have.
Unexpected “pearly” hiccups
25 Jul 2011 1 Comment
Today we saw an amazing dentist from our church. He was able to get all of our kids and in and has a true gentleness about him and his whole office is kid- friendly in the BIGGEST of ways. If you ever need a new dentist for pediatrics he is your guy!
We loved him, but not the news he gave us. Malachi has 13 cavities and will need to be put under to work on these. The next available date is August the 8th and we leave on the 2nd. He has said we can wait until next summer to repair them, but this seems tooooo long. I would not want to walk around with that many teeth hurting. Then, Nehemiah’s wisdom teeth are really anxious to come in, but two of them are like pointing arrows at this back teeth and will push his teeth out of place. Now we know why they have been hurting more than a normal tooth would. He may be able to have surgery this week poor kid:(
We are unsure of what to do at this point. Also, our insurance coverage reduces once it is a surgery type thing, which both of these are??? Could use some quick answers. Thank you for praying with us on this! I guess part of the problem is that teacher orientation begins on August 8th:)
A glimpse of God today at the coast– He Speaks Through His Creation So LOUDLY at Times
18 Jul 2011 1 Comment
Still can't believe God trusted me with these gems-- so grateful!
Finding rest in ways I did not know I needed
18 Jul 2011 1 Comment
My Favorite Place with my Favorite Man
Nehemiah embracing two worlds
Deeply touched by my niece today who wrote this about my brother Kary on the year anniversary of his earthly departure! Thank you Natalie
02 Jul 2011 1 Comment
Uncle Kary has done more than share a message with me, he has showed me light. by Natalie Smith on Saturday, July 2, 2011 at 1:07pm This morning i’m going to dedicate my time to the Lord, because I think thats what my uncle Kary would be doing if he were still here.The last time I saw him was when he was in a room lying down, he was preaching the word to us about having strength and trust in the Lord. Without a doubt he looked physically weak, but when looking into his eyes, he was the most alive person I have ever seen. It was impossible not to believe in him. He began explaining that having cancer has actually been so amazing, because he can feel the Lord in him. He said that he can fully give his time and heart to the Lord without worrying about whats next on his ” to do list”. It was evident that worldy pleasures were the least of his worries. While I was balling my eyes out uncontrollably, he was smiling and sincerely happy. He began asking me how basketball was going, and what Universities I was looking at. This broke my heart down to its core, I could not gather myself up to answer his questions, because here was somebody who has cancer and could pass away at any moment, but yet he was really wanting to here all about my upcoming life. How could he be so caring? And how could he even think about my life, when his might be ending? I have never seen anything like it. He was NOT WORRIED ONE BIT ABOUT the next hour or day to come, he was spending time with his niece, and having a normal daily conversation. I soon left the room, and the next family members would into into his room, and yet have another unique daily conversation with him. I learned probably one of the greatest messages from him. In fact, it was by far the grestest , most spectacular message that I have ever learned. Although it has been difficult to have a family member pass away, I can say with confidence that he accomplished everything he needed to on earth. Im not referring to college degrees,occupations, or trophies, im talking about the light he acquired and then shared with people around him. He showed some of us how to truly love the Lord and his people. I can say that he has done more than speak a message to me, he has showed me what love looks like, so thank you uncle Kary for being a living proof of what its like to be with God.
mackiiiiiii
16 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
This is what you will hear anytime Malachi is out on the compound. He is so loved and supported by so many here. We are so excited to be back in Oregon this summer. You can feel the energy all over our house. I can make a list of things we have missed and are first on our list when we get ” home”. However, there is one part of my heart that aches when I think of leaving this summer and that is about Malachi. This has been like a bandaid to his heart being back in Ethiopia. He is learning both English and Amharic and the more Amharic he learns, the more his English grows. Amharic soothes his soul. He sings in Amharic and will often answer me with, “Ishi mommy, ok mommy!” He laughs most of the day now and is so happy. He is not where an “average” 4 year old would be, but somehow when he is here that is ok. The nationals here never ask why he is not like other kids, they ONLY love on him and kiss him all day long. His comfort from being with Ethiopian is undeniable. He goes to the tea time with the maintenance workers here on the campus each day. They love him as if he was their own. I think there is something to be said about it takes a village. I see that lived out here. His freedom here on campus is huge as he can roam ( with us of course) all over and nobody questions where he is going or why is saying the same phrases over and over. People just love him. I know people at home love him too, but when I go to Fred Meyer he does not get the same response here and that may be partly because his soul sings here. I believe this has been a tremendous blessing in Malachi’s life to be here. Do you know he knows almost very single person on campus here by name? Students and employees–
Would you please pray for him as we change his setting this summer. I want his soul to sing in Oregon and for him to find comfort there too. I do feel sad when I think of him leaving Ethiopia.
